Hi everyone, I can't thank you enough for reaching out and sending me your awesome replies. I read each one last night. I should have replied last night but I was so mentally exhausted I just couldn't. I'm happy to report I'm on day 43 and not day 1. I was just having a down day yesterday. I was outside most of the day doing yard work, which I love. Then my husband came home and we were organizing the garage together. That's when the cravings really started to hit me. My favorite time to drink is when I'm outside and doing something (I mean really anytime) but romanticizing the "couple" of drinks would not leave my mind. I knew deep down it wouldn't be a couple, but I just couldn't shake it. My husband then went inside to shower and go to sleep, he always goes to sleep before me, I'm a night owl. And that's when the AV really started rolling. I was already planning to leave, go buy booze, cancel my plans today etc. It was scary. That's when I sat down on the garage step and made this post. Then I told myself I would wait at least fifteen minutes for a reply before I made a decision. I then went and showered.
Came out and read everyone's replies. Thought a little more and then realized I am just not in control. I did something I would never do in the past. I woke my husband up and told him how I was feeling and gave him my debit card and told him to take the keys to our cars. He was very proud of me and told me to not ever be embarrassed to ask for help. This was always how I felt in the past. I was too embarrassed to tell him I wanted to drink (he does not drink at all), I always felt he just couldn't understand. I am soooooo beyond thankful for SR, all of you and waking up clear headed and sober this morning. I can't even imagine how I would feel right now if I had thrown my jump start to sobriety down the toilet. Grateful for being sober today.