Thabks August yes iv been in Aa for 6 years and it’s helped me for sure. Iv has long sober periods before and did steps but it never felt like this like a total change. Feel very curable and not someware I have been before. I spent years thinking on resentments stupid plans to fix my life etc etc and it’s like I never dealt with anything deep.this constant paranoia about my own mortality is hard work though but it’s like I want to go further and right my life before it too late. Don’t try sound depressing it’s just that sad meloncolly feeling I have right now.