Resurgence

Hi everyone,

Just need to reach out as I feel like a caged animal, pacing and confused.

Today is Day 9, and my cravings have reached fever pitch. I rose early, did some shopping, cleaned the apartment, went for a bike ride, meditated, played with my cats, and now I'm reading.

Also, I've been smoking a small joint each night to sleep and relieve anxiety, however, I know this is not a long-term solution. I've been smoking approximately 4 times a week for 2.5 years, while binge drinking the times I'm not smoking. I can't sleep without some sort of drug. Or feel 'normal.'

It feels like there's no forward without my two crutches. But these crutches, they started by propping me up. Now they just splinter my hands and make me bleed.

In the past, I've been addicted to numerous vices, which I return to periodically, before replacing them with another when the former becomes unsustainable. But it's all unsustainable now :/

Apologies for rambling - I'm home alone and just need to speak.


Thanks for listening.