I think everyone of us can relate to what you mean. Although I had more problems than just alcohol, (prescription drugs, an eating disorder, and life in general…) the AA program ended up being my “bridge to normal living.” I was always thought of to be the good girl in my family and circle of friends. But we are as sick as our secrets and I kept mine so well that no one even realized I had a problem until I told them. But once my addiction overwhelmed me and I had hit that coldest, darkest, loneliest place on earth I finally found a safe harbor so that sanity could reenter my life. I discovered a way to stop drinking and be happy about it. Contented sobriety.
Below are the Twelve Steps as listed in Chapter 5 of the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous.
The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
Here a re the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
You are doing the right thing. Keep asking questions. I would suggest that you look into a recovery program. It can be a lifesaver. I know. It saved mine.