arieswoman002

I've been on and off this forum getting over my addict ex for a little over 2 years now.

Brief summary: I've only touched alcohol in all of my life. I was deeply in love with someone for 4+ years who left me suddenly. It took me months to realize he was hiding a serious addiction to cocaine and who knows what else.

I never heard anything from him and I never tried to reach out in any way.

I took all of the following advice from the supporters here:

1. I went to Nar-Anon and Al-anon meetings.

2. I stayed active reading about addiction on these forums and on various websites - even if I wasn't posting, I was reading. I've had no experience with addicts in my life.

3. I focused on myself and GAVE IT TIME. I accepted the pain and just kept hope alive that one day it would hurt less and less. It did.

And all of this worked! I have been seeing someone else for almost a year. The first 6-8 months don't count too much because I was very, VERY closed off and was open about my trust issues from being so hurt. He was patient.

Now, we are in love! He is not an addict and I feel so free. I cannot believe how manipulated I was until I found myself in a healthy "regular" relationship. (I know there's no such thing, but one where addiction isn't a factor!) I find myself feeling grateful when my boyfriend comes home at a reasonable time, not 7AM/9AM the next day! He doesn't yell at me or manipulate me in any way. This is all still new for me, lol.

I still think about my ex, but I can honestly say that I am no longer in love with him. I will always have a love for the man that I met, but that man is gone and the addict who left me is not a person and he will never, ever, ever be my problem ever again.

I was holding onto thinking "I was a victim, I deserve an apology, he did me wrong!" But how many victims outside of addiction never get justice? Too many. I am no one special, but I am grateful to be a member of a large club. So many of us deserve justice, and either won't get it - or won't get it directly from the source, and it took me time to realize that is OKAY.

I moved on when I separated the man that I met and the man who left me into 2 different people. He was two people. One was dead. I moved on when I accepted that it was okay to still love the man I once knew, but to mourn him as a death. You can still be in love with someone and want to move on at the same time.

If there is anyone reading this who is with an addict, there is hope for YOU. You will love again and you will move on. It is SO hard because they make you question YOU. They teach you to question you, but nothing is about you - it isn't even about them, someone in active addiction IS NOT THERE.

Thank you, everyone for your support. I could not have done it without all of these incredibly brave addicts, former addicts, family of addicts, lovers of addicts, etc. Your openness in posting your feelings, stories, articles, tips, whatever it was - it helped me.

I am in love with someone else now, but this is not how I define myself as "moving on." I moved on when I realized -I- matter more to me than anyone else ever will. No one will ever get into my own head again. I am not the same woman I once was.

Thank you.