moving soon, DS struggling
I cannot really believe it's all happening but I will be moving out and into my apartment this coming Monday. Everything feels so hazy, but underneath it all, I feel really glad to be getting out of this relationship even as I still struggle in the fog of thoughts - that maybe he really isn't an alcoholic, maybe he's right that I am just not happy which I say is true because of his drinking but maybe I'm just not in any case, maybe he really is the stable one, maybe he really does have his s&^( together and I'm just making too big a deal about some wine and beer - but I will not base my actions on these thoughts. I have deliberately worked through my reasons for leaving and I know it is right. I am trusting my true inner self.
Aside from all that, I am really struggling on how to support my older son who is 11, through this move. He is just a ball or anger/frustration/confusion over moving out of this house and neighborhood into an apartment. I just find myself not knowing what to say to him. He has always been emotionally kind of locked up, if that makes any sense. I think at least some of it is because of how STBXAH has always reacted to him since he was a toddler - he has always tried to shut down DS's moments of frustration and anger with equal or greater anger and frustration. Not sure how great of job I've done but I've always tried to approach my kids' big emotions with empathy and reassurance - I haven't been perfect. But STBXAH has *I think literally* never responded to older son's anger or frustration with any empathy or understanding - he's always responded with a harsh shut down. I see now that DS is not too well equipped emotionally to handle this big life event. I do know he is resilient - maybe once we get moved in he will feel more at peace.
I am hoping to make our new place really peaceful and cozy, with interesting spaces created for comfort and relaxing - like we're getting a porch swing, super-soft blankets for cuddling up on the sofa, beautiful art, I'm getting them each their own bunk beds so they can have space for their friends to spend the night, getting a rocking chair for the living room. You know, cozy stuff like that.
I hope these little things, combined with a less tense environment, will help them both be well and peaceful. I know I can't make my kids happy, but I hope that what I am doing will help them be well and whole.