So a few weeks on again. I paid the debts off by selling my jewellery and .. I paid the tenant her deposit back myself. After taking advice it was the best option because legally my name was on the lease as joint landlord.

Ive kept my door locked and despite the fact XAH still tries the handle and would walk in without knocking at least I’m keeping my boundaries clear.

He has the last two weekends taken the kids out once swimming and another time cinema. It’s unusual and something he never ever did before but the effort is appreciated. I’m still not keen on him driving them around but I limit these visits to mornings and I think his driving days are numbered anyway. If he gets a DUI which is more likely now he lives in town - then that problem is solved.

My youngest daughter has autism and has expressed her dislike of “daddy’s new house”. She says it’s “weird” and doesn’t want to go there again. Now he has two of our cats there which I had hoped she’d want to see and I accept that with autism any new changes take a while to process but even so I made an excuse to “pop in” today on the way back from the dentist to see the cats that I’ve really missed. (I’m concerned one of them isn’t getting the care she needs and I was right ... she’s terribly matted I may have to take her back)

i don’t know what I was expecting really ... but I was shocked at how bad his house was. He’s clearly done nothing to unpack! there is just boxes junk and stuff everywhere. It was filthy - clothes, dirty dishes ... awful. No milk for coffee. Huge bottle of cider, gin and wine though. (Meaning he’s not drinking coffee!) he didn’t even seem embarrassed. He went to the corner shop to get milk and left me there. I had a look around (ok ok I snooped) he hasn’t even put bedding on the bed! His bathroom - ugh. He told me he’d fallen out of the bath three weeks ago and was black and blue he’s also bust his knee. (He “slipped”) he said he’d pulled the shower curtain down when he fell - it was still there on the floor with the pole. I didn’t stay to help I didn’t comment or offer any help at all as I know that’s enabling and codependent. But it was tough I’ll admit it. I cried when I left I just wanted to hug him - I hate the thought of him sat in that dump all alone but he COULD make it so nice!!! He’s got everything there to make it good, he’s just not bothered. I needed to offload and feel terrible but my energy is here now in MY home which I’ve made cosy welcoming clean tidy and lovely. I also reminded myself of all the times he made our lives hell by nagging about little things - the kids couldn’t leave a cup out without him making a point about it he was (still is) ultra critical. That’s why I find today so hard to believe.

so I can’t force my daughter to spend time there. He has a bedroom for her and our son but it’s piled high with boxes. I don’t see any opportunity they’d go there overnight which I’m glad about but still very shocked he’s not made any effort to make it good for them if not for himself. He was always so critical of my first ex for being a terrible father to my oldest girls. Now he’s being just as bad. He’s also taken £170 from our sons account and still not paid it back. Son isn’t aware yet he would be devastated. It’s all his birthday money saved up.