Way to go on 4 months, keep up the grat work. While it is HARD, drinking is much harder.
It takes time to heal, as it took time to ruin things.
I stopped thinking about the crap I did while drunk as it served me no purpose. Don't get me wrong I will never forget my last drunk and what I did and I always play the tape forward if I have an urge. To be honest the urge doesnt come to me anymore, alcohol has been so far removed from my life, I just dont think about it as I know its grasp and destruction.
It'll get better as long as you continue the path.
Blessings,
DC