4 months is wonderful, loopylou. Please be kind to yourself & don't let the past ruin this achievement. I went through the same thing - it is completely normal to have regrets & remorse. The understanding I found here at SR helped take the sting out of the pain I was in. Those who were hurt & offended by my behavior eventually decided they missed having me in their life & decided to be more accepting. I know they never truly understood what I went through though.
Keep going with your head held high.