Freshout -
Congrats on taking the step toward living alcohol free. Man I sounded just like your first paragraph and can relate so much with what you're saying. I am a little over 6 months now without alcohol and now prefer using the term "sober".
Beforehand, I was afraid of using words like "sober", "alcoholic", "sobriety", etc etc. Nowadays, it doesn't matter. Today is so different than it was 6 months ago, 1 year ago, and especially over the course of my drinking career per say. I have thought the exact thing you typed, that I have reconnected with who I was as a kid. I've had so many awakening moments bringing positive things to light. All I had to do was shed the alcohol to expose them.
I went through similar steps and reached out here, other places, and grasped on to recovery podcasts. It took about 2 months before I really told anyone close that I "didn't drink". It took longer for me to feel comfortable stating that. But something happened and I hope it does to you as well. That something became a confidence in who I am, similar to where I was before I started this crazy drinking life. A sense of comfort in the person I am becoming...again. There are no apologies for why I "don't drink" anymore. No feelings of being less than because I don't have an alcoholic drink in my hand during social events. No sense of shame or embarrassment.
But all that said, I take it easy on the recovery bus. I don't shout to everyone that I don't drink. Many of my friends don't really know it yet. It's ok, I just let things roll as they will. I personally feel like I am adapting for a new lifestyle, therefore learning everyday.
I just returned from a long road trip with my close "brothers" and will say this was the hardest test yet. They certainly respect me and my decision. But I had to make it clear before leaving that I've made a decision in my life to not drink right now. I carved that line in the sand ahead of time. That was my accountability. It was the most difficult task yet in my sobriety, but also the most pivotal. I cannot stress that enough.
There have been some changes in my life. You can certainly read my thoughts here:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ober-life.html (Alcohol problem = plan for sober life)
The biggest take home point you might be able to relate to?? I had and do still have binge drinking friends as well. But I learned it was hard to hang on to the same level of hanging out with them while sober. I learned I was trying to hang on to a life I was also trying to leave behind. So I modified my hang out time. Adjusted it to fit my new lifestyle...to stay sober.
I hope you're in good spirits and continue with this. I adapted the 24hr motto at times and believe this helps avoiding the anxiety of future events that probably are not even that big of a deal anyways.
For accountability, you can reach out to me anytime.