Originally Posted by
abgator 
Outpatient or addiction counselors are my first step. I feel like I need one on one guidance to develop a plan. I can read all these suggestions, plans, etc online from people who have been through it, but it feels like it's just not registering with my dumb butt lol. I shrug it off like, "that doesn't seem like it'll do any good....".
I find it very difficult to get past the self loathing for failing at sobriety.
I chuckled at "well that doesn't seem like it'll do any good". I get that. Although I understand, I personally don't think self loathing is helpful for I believe at the core of most of boozehounds is a pretty toxic core of shame that goes waaaaaaaay back. And my second theory? Well that same icky sticky internal boil contributes to lack of intimacy. I'm okay with you seeing the relatively confident face I put on for the world...but please don't come into my house (figuratively and in reality). Please don't see who I really am...please don't know me and reject me cuz I just couldn't bear it - I would just die! A tad melodramatic but not really that far from the truth. Ay yi yi yuck.