Although it's clear you feel like turd on toast, commend yourself for picking yourself up, dusting off and trying again. It's a process, not an event. I also believe this is not something done easily alone - although some do. There is community recovery, there are addictions counsellors and psychologists, faith groups or some even throw themselves into activity alternatives like martial arts or volunteering. I'm only on day 3 and know I have to find my true commitment by figuring out how exactly I'm going to handle this... what am I going to do when I want to pick up? How am I going to handle those situations when offered a drink or when it seems attractive to indulge with others. What will I do when home alone and feeling sorry for myself and a drink seems like a great elixir for all that ails me. I myself had not found those answers for myself just yet and I fear the change within I'm seeking might not take flight.....but hanging out here is certainly helping.