kimberly702

I'm looking for answers only experience can bring. So, I've turned here for your opinions. As typical as I feel, I feel I have a tough emotional decision to make. So here's the story, sit back it's a long one:

I've been with my partner for just over 3 years. I am in my early 20's, he's in his late 20's. We are not married, no kids, no debt, no physical responsibilities towards each other. He is 90% of a dream partner. He is a well-travel, fun-loving man who is used to strong women in his life and ultra supportive of anything I wish to do with my life. He makes me feel loved, special, beautiful and intelligent beyond. People often approach us and praise our connection and our love for one another. I feel lucky for how her cares for me and is IN LOVE with me.

But over the years we've gone through situations which spell out 'alcoholism'. That 10% has emerged. I have recently realised that this has been showing face for years. He has ignored me for days while on a binge, drunkenly phoned me expressing deep love for me, drank alone in his room at various stages of life (college, high school, living alone, at our home while I was away), he has publically been intoxicated, gotten way too drunk at social events (birthday parties, christmas events), embarrassed me multiple times by being a clumsy and depressive drunk publically, aggressive and chosen alcohol over me at times. All the while lying continuously about how much he's drank, what he drank, how long he drank, hiding situations from me,etc.

Last year, I broke it off with him after a moment of realisation that he would forever be breaking his promises, lying and acting like a child until he hit rock bottom. After a couple of months I saw a major change and he seemed more of the man I believed he was. He calmed down the drinking, moved countries, loved his job, started earning a salary that made him proud and spoke of more insightful/meanful things with me.(Although, our conversations are always excellent, he became more self aware).

Ultimately how new aura attracted me again and we started officially dating again. It's been 6 months (all log distance) as our careers have us in different parts of the world, but we were going strong. Or so I thought.

We met up in Malaysia just a week ago. The night of my flight he called me to read a letter he had written to me. in his letter he confessed a whole bunch of cushy stuff then delivered the blow of my life. He cheated on me with a women from work. The kissed, fondled and almost had oral sex at a afterwork drinks session. The facts came down to that the group was doing shots and drinking hard liquor, some left, them went off to a balcony, had a moment and he disrespected me.

When I got to Malaysia I made him tell me EVERY.SINGLE.LIE he ever told me and confess every half truth as well. Turns out Drinking alone in his room, binge drinking to blackout for 'stress relief' and drink-driving has been an issues throughout our relationship, I was just too naive to see it.

My alcoholic (officially self confessed) boyfriend says and has been saying for multiple occasions that he will get better. His strategy this time is to quit drinking FOREVER. Never a drop again. I believe his drinking is caused by emotional issues in his teenage-hood after the divorce of his parents and his absentee father, he agrees. He has talked about seeing a therapist for this (he fought against this idea when I suggested it in previous issues, but now miraculously will try anything).

So here is my dilemma/question/issue:

Is my presence in his life making him too comfortable to change? If he has made so many promises before and broken all of them, does that mean he will never change? Should I hold on to what he so strongly believes he can be and wait/support him to that point?

I am not insecure about the cheating. I am PISSED at the fact that I have been lied to, disrespected, embarrassed and wasted so much time. But I am struggling with my high capacity of empathy. I constantly tell myself that 'people change', 'people can fix their mistakes if they're given a chance'. Am I being naive? Do I love him or do I love just the idea of him?

In your experience, has your partner actually changed? How did the change come about? did they do it on their own or did you two do it together? Also, if you could turn back the clock. Knowing what you know now, would you stay in that relationship? I NEED SOME GUIDANCE

**I feel there is so much more to say, but I am happy to elaborate further if you need extra info to answer.