Hi,
I want to thank everyone for the opportunity to post and rant and rave about my experience with the insanity that is addiction. Your replies have been extremely helpful, even though it took months to read some, and repetition to get many.
So much has happened in the last year, especially the last 5 months. Its been what the hell is going on insane. An hour seems like a day, a day a month and it would be impossible to recount everything. A Ground Hog day from hell experience.
I’ve had to deal with it on my own, completely and looking back I have absolutely no idea how I’ve made it this far. I guess it takes more than that to kill the Beachn!
Not only have I had to deal with her, through rehabs, counselors, psyches, therapists, she actively manipulated everyone, and I mean everyone, into hating and blaming me for HER addiction. I still haven’t fully wrapped my head around it. Were they Oscar winning performances, or do people just see and hear what they want? Someone told me once that people refuse to believe a pretty woman could be this screwed up, or evil or malicious, and if she is they believe it’s someone else’s fault. Seems he nailed it.
Anyway, last week everything changed. For me and for her for a very long time. I reported her drinking to her probation officer. All I did was leave a message with my name and number and he did the rest. Called her in and she blew a .32 at 11 in the morning. She spent the next 3 days in jail and now must wear an alcohol monitoring device around her ankle.
I conferred with her family before reporting her to let them know what I was doing and they agreed with my decision. When my wife found out what I had done she called her mother who told her this was me showing my true colors and should be the final nail in the coffin of my marriage. I heard her say it. WTF!?
Her mother encouraged me to make the call. Imagine that happening in the midsts of all this crazy? Trying to save her daughter from herself by holding her accountable and she betrayed me, and her daughter actually, for what purpose I don’t know and don’t care. There is no coming back from that with me. Not ever. F her.
When I contacted her therapist and told her what happened in court she said in almost 50 years in mental health she had met few that were as convincing and manipulative as my wife. She was lying about everything, including drinking. Let alone 11 am .32 drinking. Her psych Dr. didn’t return my message. Figures, he sucks.
I feel like I’m surrounded by sociopaths, addicts and fools. And I may be the biggest fool of all. Time for serious change. What the hell is wrong with me that this has become my life? Codependency doesn’t feel strong enough a word.
With that said, her time incarcerated seems to have snapped her out of it. Sobbing, apologies, promises, regret. Surrendering. What is suppose to happen according to the “experts” is happening. However, words and tears mean nothing. Actions do.
I and my children are my responsibility. She has a long road ahead of her, as do I figuring out how to change myself and my life to match my values and morals. There will be no compromising them again, ever.
Beachn