Brooks was here
Someone said something in a post today that really hit home for me. If an addict has been an addict his/her entire adult life, they have no point of reference about what a "normal" life feels like to want to go back yi feeling that way.
My A ex has indeed been an addict his entire adult life. Living with me was for 4 years was the longest time he'd been in one place since he lived at home as a child.
Looking back on what I know about his past, his life has been constant moving either in with a family member or friend, or living in a hotel, losing everything or having nothing due to drinking and probably gambling. That is all he knows.
I now realize that my ex A, while living with me, would be comfortable and seemed truly happy for a while, helping around the house, doing things outside of the home, being "normal" .But as time went by, he would get more irritable, would get lazier about chipping in with things that needed to be done, and would prefer to be alone. Then he would leave, go live in the motel and drink pretty consistently except for going to work. Then he'd come home and the cycle would repeat. His argument was always he needed to be him. And that he wasn't sure what made him happy. I now believe it was being uncomfortable with not being in a state of chaos, needing to drink without answering to anyone, and living like he was 21 again, although he is 40.
I liken it to Brooks Hadley in The Shawshank Redemption. He was in prison so long, his entire adult life, the outside normal life he found when he got out was too much for him, unknown and uncomfortable to the point he chose to let it take his life rather than change.
I wonder big anyone has any positive stories of people who were able to overcome this and live a productive, normal, happy life?