Hi guys,
Im officially five days sober and I had my first craving today so I think its he best time to dive in here. As a bit of background, Im 37/m/single. Not much in terms of friends or family. I never started drinking with any regularlity until I was 32. There wasn't even a catalytic event. I just simply became involved with someone who was an alcoholic and my own drinking progressed from there.
I didn't start drinking daily and heavily until about 2 years ago when my job became very stressful. I also got promoted to a position where I rarely interacted with other employees face to face so began drinking in my car during breaks and lunches without fearing someone would suspect anything. At my worst it wouldve been a 16oz water bottle full of vodka throughout the workshift. Even then, after I get home I would continue to drink. Weekends? Who knows. It was always straight Grey Goose, no chaser. Never beer or wine.
I was never a binge or blackout drinker though. More like an IV dripper. I stopped when I got too nauseated or it was time to sleep. My health has been trashed thoughout years, Im now overweight on blood pressure meds, tons of GI issues, "mildly elevated" liver enzymes, gout, chronic fatigue, nausea. I don't even remember how good food tastes because Im always so too damn nauseated to enjoy it. I just reach for whatever grease laden burger, chicken, whatever I can stomach.
I don't wanna go back. I want to retake control of my health. I miss the gym. Ive tried but I was always too sacked and or nauseated. I NEED to go back. I want to have normal blood work, normal weight. I want to apply for that new position that just opened up, I want to eat a good meal without wanting to vomit it all up after.
Im so over it. Im burning this bridge now , hoping for the best and I just pray I didn't wreck my body beyond repair. Thanks for reading. I been lurking the past few days and you guys are amazingly supportive, so I know Im in good company
see you again!