[QUOTE=trailmix;7176263]Yes, this is where you are going wrong. Imagine you have an addiction you need to hide, what skills do you need? You need to be able to put on a mask at the drop of a hat. To act "normal".
Also, you may not even know when he has been drinking. There is a reason he drinks vodka, it's a common choice for alcoholics as vodka has less odour than other alcohol. Once tolerance is built, he can probably drink quite a bit without looking drunk. A few sips here, a cup here or there.
I did not know that. I did smell alcohol in his breath at work a few times before I knew, but because he always said how he never drinks at all I just never believed my own senses! Now I see hoe he deceives everyone. He makes him look like this perfect guy who doesn't even like alcohol. No one would ever accuse him of anything.
All the time that we have ever been together he was under influence. I owuld like to understand though - does an alcoholic feel drunk, like I would feel if I had a lot to drink? What state was he in during the day, after having had a few shots in the morning to keep him going? He would never appear drunk, but he surely was in an altered state? And he would drive too! I just don't understand how one doesn't appear drunk if they have had so much to drink.. Sorry if this is naive.
Have you checked out Al-Anon at all? Sometimes face to face support can be really helpful, there may even be a meeting tonight you could join.
Yes, I have gone to one meeting and I am planning to continue. I am in the UK and it's almost midnight so probably not tonight ;-)
Good example here of when "high functioning" eventually becomes non-functioning:
See, my immediate thought is: "I should send this to him, maybe it'll help him"... Wrong, wrong, wrong!