HoldOnLoosely

Go easy on yourself. Alcoholism is baffling and mind boggling. Many of us look back and see there were other ways to handle it, but it takes knowledge and skills. Skills we usually don't have at the moment and so we try to the best of our ability to work through everything with the limited resources we do have. Inevitably, we eventually see we're ill equipped and then land on Sober Recovery, in Al-Anon or individual therapy.

Three years ago, when my soon to be ex eventually confessed he went to massage parlors 5x in a drunkened state, I was devastated. Understandably so. To say I didn't have the skills to handle it, the deceptiveness and other stuff that followed is an understatement. I lost myself in it all and a lot of his actions made no sense to me especially given the man I thought him to be. Basically, I went down the rabbit hole with him and looking back I see I didn't have the resources within or the knowledge. I wished I had a better understanding on many matters and trusted myself, but I didn't and I take responsibility for it.

It's a journey and we're human and we're going to make mistakes. I think we wish we wouldn't make mistakes, but we do. You're trying your best under challenging circumstances and thankfully you found SR. There's a wealth of knowledgeable individuals on this site and you'll make it through. Remember to take care of you.