DriGuy

Hope to see you tonight.

I'm picking up that you are having a hard time understanding your own behavior. I tried to understand mine too for a long time, but I think it's a waste of time. It's easy enough to do. It consumes very little energy, but it feels like you're doing something constructive, even though you are not.

I think you need to find a new direction, and it's sounds like you want to do that, but don't know what it is. Well, I think you know what it is, but the problem may be that you don't like the way it feels. And this is where things get hard. This is that metaphorical hump you need to deal with, and there is no other way around it, no easier softer way, and no mystical solution. You're going to face cravings. You're going to want to make them go away by giving in (they always go away when you give in), but they always come back. This is commonly known as a vicious cycle, a self perpetuating cycle with a negative outcome.

The search for understanding should be over, because you have identified the problem. God help you if you haven't identified it yet. Now it's time to change your behavior, and this is what separates the strong from the weak. It's also hard because it's unfamiliar territory. Instead of mentally flailing around, you have to change what you are doing. It's hard, but it's doable.

I hope you will be back tonight.