Stopping the downward spiral
It's been a while since I've posted here. I'm starting another Day 1 today. I had a few weeks of sobriety after my last bender (ended in the hospital with spiked blood pressure, plus I had to call the EMT because I literally couldn't walk or get off my couch from dehydration). This is how the pattern goes, I start drinking again, maybe just one bottle of wine, which gradually builds back up again to two (only in the evening after work) - then one day I wake up with the insane idea of drinking during the morning, then it's off to the races.
I am recognizing today that this is the pattern- and I am stopping it in its tracks. I actually feel ok today, and I don't ever, ever have to feel hungover again. I have a good job, a place to call my own, supportive family. I feel safe and secure. I live in an area with lots of support available. I am grateful and lucky, despite all that's happened to me in life and my hundreds of Day 1s.
How do I make THIS Day 1 different? I've tried AA, been to inpatient treatment, done therapy, tried medication, the works. But I HAVE to quit or I will die from a stroke, heart attack, or just plain too much booze in the system. I need a complete change of mind and some new actions. The only thing I can really think is that this is a life threatening disease, and I need to remember that every minute of every day. Maybe post signs around my house as reminders? Meditate all day? It's just so baffling, cunning, why and how my mind wanders into the land of the AV and in the moment I can't seem to stop it.
Wish me luck today, will come back at the end of the day and re-post how I did. Thanks for reading.