In the scheme of things, time-wise, I have spent so much of my life immersed in the alcohol, that I also have plenty of countering moments of happiness and melancholy. I don't know how it may look far ahead, that I might feel more consistently level in my emotions, but the fullness of the experience is marked by the relief that I am at least trying to live for something better.
On the good days and on the poor ones I also find that I must do the work that leads me to decide it's the choices that I make now that are working. It's like a second job for me right now, and it is draining at times, but it is exercising my intellect, my emotions, my full mind in a way that I have no memory of ever doing before now. I never had the support of others to take me through such an endeavor the way that I do now, and that greatly heartens me.