thanks for all the feedback. It really helps to know I’m not being unreasonable or over reacting. He has clearly had me second guessing myself for years. Today he’s kept away. After our discussion. I thought something must’ve sunk in until I received a phone call from the agent regarding the deposit owed back on the house we moved out of. The landlord had requested the agent pay AH half the deposit! AH had asked him in person and he had agreed! . Fortunately the agent has to abide by the law and pay it to me in full as the tenancy agreement was in my name only. I paid the rent every month for 4 years, never missed a payment.

AH doesn’t know this yet - he actually text me to say “deposit will be released tomorrow 👍🏻“ I replied that I knew that already. And that he’d requested half of it be paid to him and was disappointed he’d gone behind my back. I didn’t tell him he wasn’t going to get it. (That gem will be tomorrow and I’m dreading his reaction.)

He replied “of course I did I have 9 grand on my credit cards! I’m desperate for money”. I didn’t reply. He’d have been drinking the time he sent it. No point.

I went to get my jewellery valued I can get £500 for it. Only gold and diamond value so my mums offered to buy them from me so i can buy them back if I ever want to. I want to pay off every bill we have together so I can start a clean slate. I’ll be using the deposit money to pay for bills that are in my name but equally are his debts. I have money owing on my credit cards too! But all the utility bills and a loan for him were in my name so I’m liable. So it will still benefit him as I’m paying off his half of the bills plus his kids will benefit as their mother won’t be struggling to make ends meet for months. He won’t see it like that though. He says he needs it to pay the deposit he owes to the tenant that moved out of his house. He should have legally had that in a holding account but didn’t so he’s going to either be sued or have to sell something to pay it. Not my problem.

I’m going to keep my door locked tomorrow and be on my guard. He’s never been violent so I’m not thinking that... but I do think he might now begin to play very nasty and use the kids to assert his authority over me. I’m nervous for the first time ever, that he could really try to bully me over this. Now he’s nothing to loose in his eyes (financially anyway) by kicking off.

The front door is frosted glass. I’m thinking I need a curtain across it so the caller cannot see through it. It does unnerve me a little if I’m honest.