Originally Posted by
Sasha1972 
Thanks everyone. I write this stuff out partly because I need someone to remind me that this is absolutely textbook alcoholic behavior. There's part of me that always wants to believe that maybe this time he really has changed, maybe he really has stopped drinking/using, maybe I am being too rigid. Even after many years, the hope that he will somehow turn back into a normal person is flickering faintly.
That's pretty much what I was going to say - I'd add that, sadly - and I say this as an alcoholic and someone who once lived with someone in a very similar situation/battle with his ex-wife, and he pulled this stuff; also as someone with an alcoholic mother and non-alcoholic dad who stayed married, so there were plenty of situations where my mom was caring for us when drinking - and these measures won't change the fact he's drinking, if he is. And maybe he's moderating or only this or that- but if he's an alcoholic and still drinking, even being around the kids supervised is....problematic for them, especially.
Best to you in this truly crummy situation. So much is beyond your control, and indeed setting legal guidelines and enforcing them is necessary, but focusing on that or other things you CAN control (ie not his alcoholism) is best for you and the kids.