bodhi01

I posted here not too long ago stating I wanted to find sobriety. The truth is I wasn't ready. I started drinking again only two days after but this time thought I could curb my need to drink with smoking cannabis. I used to smoke a lot when I was younger and haven't smoked it regularly for about 15 years. I had a bad experience with it the first night I smoked it and after that tried again in smaller doses which seemed to work. I cut back on my drinking a bit but it started slowly creeping up. This has been going on for the past two weeks. Friday night I was out with a friend, we both smoked a bit of weed then started drinking. We met some guys out who asked if we wanted some cocaine. I ended up having a fair amount. It was a late night but we both felt fine. The next day we had a couple of drinks and went to sit under a tree outside our hotel to smoke a bit of weed. I loaded up quite a lot into a vapouriser and inhaled very deeply and held the smoke in. After I exhaled I had a coughing fit for about a minute. After that stopped something hit me. I knew something was very wrong. I didn't know where I was and my mind couldn't function properly. My friend walked me back to our room. My heart rate went through the roof and I felt like I was losing my mind. My chest got extremely tight and painful. I collapsed and my friend called an ambulance. As he was calling my arms and face went completely numb and I couldn't talk. I started to spasm then blacked out. I felt my mind leave my body and felt like I was dying. I've never been so scared in my life. Everything slipped away and I travelled down a long dark tunnel with a light at the end. The next thing I knew I was in a bright white room, like a chamber and I was being spoken to. I'm not going to go into the details of what happened as it is very personal but suffice to say I begged for another opportunity at life and made promises. Promises I know I can't afford to break. As I came to my friend was holding my hand laying with me telling me an ambulance was coming. He was very emotional snd I felt bad he had to experience what was happening. I was slurring and crying out. My legs and arms were twitching. I managed to speak to him to tell him to tell my Dad I was sorry and that I loved him and my ex partner. I kept fading in and out. The paramedics turned up and tried to lift me but I couldn't move. I was given an ECG then put into an ambulance and taken to hospital. I was shivering violently the whole way and losing my mind. I slipped under again I think as I remember two vivid hallucinations where I was communicating with entities. At hospital I had another ECG, blood pressure and blood tests. All results came back okay aside from one anomally I need to get looked at further. After 6 hours I slowly started to get a bit of focus back and my friend took me back to the hotel. I'm still in shock and can't quite get my thoughts together or process what happened. All I know is what happened was a hard lesson that I unfortunately needed. There is no going back for me now. I'm here to be sober in every respect and I'm going to do anything and everything to make that happen. I'm going to be the best person I can be. I feel my ego has been destroyed and it's left a very humble shell of a man. It's time to rebuild myself. Thank you for reading and thank you for any support.