A sign of growth is that the anger arises and then fades and the mind doesn't build a storyline that turns it into a firestorm. It doesn't make the anger any less painful, but it does shorten the experience.
My alanon sponsor is a double-winner, and has addict/alcoholic adult children. He accepts their behavior as "addicts doing what addicts do", and makes it his business to mind his own boundaries when interacting with them. He discusses his feelings about watching them sicken and destroy themselves & their families with others in AA and Alanon he has good rapport with- that is never inappropriate.