Sasha1972

I think I'm mainly putting this story out here because this group of people might relate:

Ex has visits with Kid under a court order which requires that he produce clean SoberLink tests before, during and after visits on a schedule. He predictably screws them up. The order says that if he doesn't comply, we're back to only supervised visits for a set period until he "graduates" back to being able to see his kid without a babysitter. It's snakes and ladders.

So - about a month and a half ago, ex didn't do his SoberLink tests as required. Per the court order, I said "okay, no unsupervised visits for X weeks". Ex threw a fit, he hasn't had a drink in eight months, it's not his fault, SoberLink doesn't work properly, it's not his fault, I am a b!tch and he's going to take me to court so that he can see his precious daughter. I think "oh crap, here we go back to court again for the thousandth time".

My lawyer has an idea - let him do a hair follicle test to prove that he hasn't been drinking for months. If it's clean, we return immediately to unsupervised visits. We're offering him a way to prove that his claims about not having touched alcohol for months are true, and to get back to seeing Kid without babysitters. And if the test is clean, I will even reimburse him for it, so there's no cost at all to him. Pretty good deal, right?

Ex says yes! of course I will do the test because I am committed to my sobriety! Except ... (you can probably tell what's coming) ...

He can't afford the up-front cost of the test. He wants me to suspend collection on his child support payments (currently being garnished from his wages because he won't pay voluntarily) for two months. This comes to $3 000. The fanciest, most elaborate hair follicle test you can take costs only $500. Why does he need $3 000?

I say no. If the test is clean, I'll agree to subtract the cost of the test from his child support arrears (in other words, I'll pay once it comes up clean).

Ex says yes! he's going to do the test! except ...

He wants a promise from me that I won't seek to collect the money he owes me for Kid's extracurricular activities over the past year. This amounts to about $4 000. If I agree to absorb the entire cost and not pursue him for his share, he'll do the test.

I say - wait a minute, why am I negotiating with an alcoholic about "proving" whether he's been drinking or not? He has been given the opportunity to clear himself and get back to seeing his daughter unsupervised. He's trying to turn this opportunity into a way to get out of his financial obligations. This is not something I should be paying him to do. This is crazy. I am dropping this particular rope.

(And in the meantime, even though he is entitled to have supervised visits with Kid, and I have agreed to supervise, he has not attempted to arrange any, so hasn't seen her for over a month. This suggests to me that he is not strongly motivated by the desire to have a relationship with his daughter. He is, however, motivated by the possibility that he can get money out of me).