Beachn…..I will share an observation and reaction of mine....I see the conversation that you had with the staff member as a fairly typical staple of subjects that might be discussed when discussing family/relationship issues and the alcoholics condition/stage of illness. It would be common to inquire as to the effects of the alcoholism on the spouse's health, also....It would not be extreme for a counselor to point out that the alcoholic and partner (often unconsciously), interact together as in a dysfunctional "dance"....much like the steps in an Argentine Tango...
After all, you did say that you asked to speak to someone concerning an aftercare program...because it was obvious, to you, that your wife needed more than just 30 days of treatment.
Lol...it wasn't like you were walking down the street, and some guy snatched you into an alley and started talking about relationship dynamics...and all manner of stuff...like co-dependency, etc....
Now, I get it that the group experience was not like an elite tea-party.....Come on, Beachn...it wasn't intended to be that....It is a place where people as sick as your wife are being treated...shortly after their main coping mechanism in life has been removed....
I really do get it...that this must have been a great shock to you...to your core...because you were, I imagine, as frightened and angry and personally sensitive as anyone else, there....(if one could look inside your head, at that moment)….and, I am sure that every sight and sound might have been magnified, in your experience....How you experienced it is how you experienced it.....
I will share, with you, that some of the best therapists that I have seen are psychiatrists who were recovering alcoholics, themselves.....
And, you know what...If I were preparing to climb Mt. Everest, for the first time...I would want a Sherpa who had climbed that mountain several times to prepare me and guide me....(not the manager of an Appalachian Outfitters store...no matter how fashion forward and polite she/he might be...lol)….
I'm just saying.....