It is good you are now talking to others about it, here on SR. Glad you found us. The situation you're in is complex and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. Going to Al-Anon has helped me tremendously with my own complicated situation. Ideally an ultimatum would work--but you didn't Cause, can't Control, and can't Cure her problem, so your words may not have much impact. Read as much as you can on this site, see if Al-Anon is helpful, and/or read the book How Al-Anon Works...all are great resources.