Originally Posted by trailmix

So he called to complain about his current living arrangements. Just think about that for a moment. He took the money you gave him to go on a drug run with his using buddies at the roach motel, pops in to talk to you yesterday then zooms off with his Sister to get more drugs, then calls to COMPLAIN about the facilities provided.

omg

As Anvilhead mentioned, please look at his actions, not his words, they are speaking VERY clearly here.

He is taking absolutely zero responsibility for himself, none. That is his current "action". He just talks and talks and complains.

There really is only one solution here Katerina and I know you know what that is. No contact. Tell him if you like, tell him you are done and don't want to talk for now - then hang up.

Will that be painful? Yes, for a little while. Firstly you will have a lot of free time on your hands once you stop worrying about him, you are used to being in a tornado of drama, that's going to end. Secondly, you, right now, are automatically waiting for a text or a call or a visit or an update on him from a friend, that will stop.

You will have to summon your strength and work through that. With the support here, with Al-Anon or Nar-Anon (I really hope you can get to a meeting), with any friends or family you can trust to discuss this with.

Honestly, you aren't helping him, not in the true sense. Your help is enabling him to continue his addiction, nothing more. If your help could "save" him from addiction it already would have, it's not and it won't. If you needed any more proof of it, the call tonight should seal it.

You are distressed, hurt and upset. Did he call to apologize for being such an ass? For hurting you, for wasting your money etc etc. No he called to whine about not being warm enough. As with everything he CHOSE to go there and he is a grown man, he could walk out the door right this minute and go to a hotel but does he? No he calls you to complain, hoping you will pity him, maybe even ask him to come "home".

I think once you fully look at this realistically:

- He has zero to offer you in a relationship
- He has no clarity, he is never truly "sober" at this point
- You deserve someone in your life that loves and respects you
- You are not helping him and may well be harming him

This will get easier for you. It takes time, can you give yourself some space and time for this?