PerSe…...If you haven't already done so...I advise you to make a list, on paper...
a list of the worst experiences of the relationship and the effects on you/boys...
Keep the paper w ith you at all times, and every time you start doubting yourself---read the paper...as many times as it takes.....this will help you from the trap of having only selective recall....
It is normal to have some self doubt, from time to time....just because that happens doesn not mean that you are making a mistake....
You have spent a long time doubting yourself....you will get better at trusting your own judgement as time goes on....practice...practice....