I'm always walking on egg shells with him. I would never bring up the abuse because he'd lose his **** and I'd somehow pay the price. I will be punished if I don't go along with his denial. He's really subtly controlling, always wanting to know where I am and what I'm doing. I used to mistake it for love. I thought he cared what I was up to in the same way I care what my kids are up to. But it isn't that.
You might want to read the part you wrote about eggshells over and over again. You aren't in a relationship with him, you are a hostage.
I was in a relationship once where there was all the constant text/phone contact and I too found it flattering at first. I then realized, as you do, that it was a control issue, not love or caring. The relationship was "officially" over, but the contact continued long distance. When it became time to go NC, as it inevitably does, I finally said hey, I need some time without contact. It was a huge gaping hole in my day. No waiting for a text or call or message. No long stupid conversations.
Each day it became better, one day at a time (but those first few days were rough), having support is so helpful. I would say it was a couple of weeks before I really felt comfortable with it. Not to say I was completely over the relationship, that took time, but the further away I got from it the happier I became and the better my self-esteem was (which I didn't even realize was taking a beating!), eventually you break free.
Perhaps don't think of it as ending a relationship, think of it as regaining your freedom.
Summer is just around the corner, you could be out soaking up some sunshine instead of on the phone with him!
As for your healthy friend, maybe share a little with her. If she is as healthy as you say, she has probably had some trials of her own and might have wisdom to share as well?