Totally understand!
I was exactly where you are now a year ago. In a pit of despair, terror, bewilderment. It is NOT like that today. You have hope now. Hang on to that hope with dear life. You are alive! You are going to have many days now to feel the warm sun and feel the cool breeze. Every day you are sober you will get more well, stronger, more clarity. You will need some kind of plan of recovery so you will be able to live your life without resorting back to your old crutch. Get through these first days and when your mind clears a bit you can explore your options. There are many. Mine is AA mainly but I have many tools now.
You. Are. Going. To. Be. Ok.