Originally Posted by
nhwm 
My wife and I will also be going to counseling together, and she is going to her own counseling as well.
At this point, I am committing to the counseling and taking one day at a time to see where it goes. To work on myself, to not try and persuade my wife into any decisions, and just let the chips fall where they fall and then see if that is a place I am happy in.
I'm scared ********
Yes, it's scary, but you will get through it either way. You've already been through a great deal. There is a book by Melody Beattie called Codependent No More that you may want to purchase or borrow from the library. Not saying you are codependent but there is a lot of information there that you might find useful, it's often recommended on this forum.
Counseling is a great first step. Your wife has agreed to both individual and marriage counselling?