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Old 04-06-2019, 06:12 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 627
Originally Posted by nhwm View Post

My wife and I will also be going to counseling together, and she is going to her own counseling as well.
As you remain focused on your own inner work, keep in mind that therapy is of limited value when someone is an active alcoholic. I encourage you to pursue a wellness path for your own wellness and growth, allowing your wife to make her own choices. If her choices include drinking alcoholicly, her therapy and your couples therapy isn't going to have much of a foothold. All of us who dearly love an alcoholic have wonderful memories of the beloved person we know, but all of us have to learn the hard way how to let our loved one life her own life. Knowing how to do this is part of every healthy relationship, so here's a golden opportunity for you to make a lot of your relationships better. A better life for you doesn't necessarily entail her growth and it also doesn't necessarily entail kicking her to the curb. Pursuing your own independent wellness path is about doing your own work for yourself - just as an alcoholic must choose recovery for herself and not for others. Therapy is for you.
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August252015 (04-06-2019), Bekindalways (04-06-2019), nhwm (04-06-2019), SmallButMighty (04-06-2019), splendra (04-07-2019), Zevin (03-04-2020)