It seems clear that any alcohol issues aside, the two of you have very different ideas of what you want your marriage to be.
Originally Posted by
nhwm 
1.) Why is her having emotional relationships with other men wrong? I feel like I am being controlling if I ask her to stop talking to that person , or to at least back it down some. I may feel that way because she has trained me to feel that way as well. I feel it's wrong as she is having a private relationship with another man, these arent relationships i'm privy to the conversations, such would be the cause with neighbors and family friends. Help me on this please.
2.) Why is her talking to everyone about our relationship so bad? She feels the need to vent. To me, I feel it is a break of our trust and intimacy. Help me on this as well please.
3.) I agree contacting her work was bad. However, nobody has yet given an opinion on how they think my spouse not quiting her job reflects upon us. Anyone have thoughts about this? I feel it is awful insult to me and us, that she refuses to find another job.
1) Some spouses can handle their partners having emotional relationships with other people; some can't. It sounds like you are in the former category. Therefore it isn't a question of right and wrong, but what you want from a marriage.
2) Again, it isn't good or bad, it's either what you want or it isn't. It's okay for you to want a partnership where you don't discuss the marriage outside the marriage--but you don't have one right now, and it sounds as though she is not, and never has been, interested in having one at all.
3) The job is not really relevant here.
You want a partner who shares your values, and your wife has demonstrated that she does not. Since you cannot change another person, you can either find a new set of values or find a new partner.
But you do not have to do
anything right this second. Do you have real life support like a counselor, priest, or trusted friend/family member you can speak to about this? Someone who knows you? I understand your desire for privacy, but you've taken a step here on an internet forum to gain more understanding. Face to face support can be even more valuable.