Originally Posted by
nhwm 
I am a very private person who values the concept of my partner and I are always us against the world, so things stay private, stay intimate, and we work through our life challenges and relationship challenges together. Trust is #1 for me. These things are a huge part of what make our relationship so special and meaningful to me......
Early on in our marriage, my wife would discuss our problems, whether they be every day life challenges or marital challenges with other people. She also enjoys starting new emotional relationships with single men, which also started within the first year and continues to today. Since day one of this, I have felt betrayed and that we had no 'us' about us. No intimacy, no respect, no trust.
Sounds like you and she have
never shared some pretty basic values. Perhaps the drinking appeared in the last few years, but this major mis-match has been in your marriage all along. So, even if your wife were to get sober, this enormous difference between what you each prioritize will remain.
I'm also not understanding how your relationship can feel special and meaningful while at the same time you've always felt betrayed, disrespected and have no intimacy.