I was going to post what Anvil said, but as usual she beat me to the punch.
Contacting someone's workplace to let their co-workers is really, really bad. I get that this whole thing is terribly painful, and that your wife's behavior is horrendous. But by doing such things you reduce yourself to her level.
You stated that your wife started with the emotional affairs 13 years ago, in the first year of your relationship. You also state that, for the past few years she has been "trashing me to everyone in our lives. Not only does she say horrible things about me, she makes flat out fun of me."
This isn't a phase, and you're not being "extraordinarily patient" by trying to wait this out. This is a dysfunctional relationship at its finest, and it is harming you.
I'm sure that there is a lot more complexity, but from the information I gathered reading your post, I sense that, rather than taking a good hard look at who she is and the situation you are in, you are with clenched fists trying to control the situation, which is keeping you locked into it.
Just remember, it won't work forever because, in the end, we can never control another person.
Most of us here have similarly tried to keep a tight controlling grip on a dysfunctional relationship so that we could avoid the pain of loss or facing reality, so you are taking the right step by reaching out here. Maybe try to get some other help too, a support group or something. You are carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders, and some outside perspectives can help you to loosen this need you have to control the situation (which you can't do long-term anyway), and help you to get some distance from it.