Lucy79

Hello. I have been on this site on and o for over 13 years. How shameful that the only long period of sobriety for me has been my pregnancies. And then after that it's only maybe 4 months. They are not lying when they say alcoholism is a progressive disease. I'm finally seeing how progressive it has become for me. My lief is becoming unmanageable and my depression and anxiety worse. Although I am not an everyday drinker, I am a huge binge drinker. At my worst is would be a binge every other day, sometimes up to two fifths a night followed by a the most horrible day afterwards. I cannot continue to live like this. Alcohol just has a grasp on me and keeps lying to me. I feel like I just have no willpower sometimes. The cravings are just too much. I need to learn healthy outlets.

Before anyone suggests AA, I have tried numerous times over the years. I've just never clicked with the 100's of meetings I've been through over the years. I do however enjoy some online meetings when I can find one I like. I am armed with tons of literature I've ordered and just haven't read. I plan on making a recovery plan this time but I just wanted to come on and say hi. I am going to force myself to check in daily, join the April class and post when I need help. I'm turning 40 soon and I do not want to be a drunk anymore. I've put on loads of weight from binge drinking and I know I'm just unhealthy. When I quit last year for 4 months I lost 40 pounds. I gained that back and then some. My kids and husband deserve a healthy and sober mom.

Thanks for letting me vent and share.