Originally Posted by Tetrax

I know it so. The problem is, the whole issue is: HOW DO YOU FILL THE HOLE??? I just did 23 days sober then drank for 1 day then did 5 days sober, now I've been 2 days not sober. I know sober and I know how bored and on my own it is. I admit I've built a life made for drinking and that's why I'm alone. I'm a bartender and live with other bartenders. It's scary how much I've built my life to bow down at the alter of booze. I've never done a 9-5 job, I've only ever worked as a barman. I don't get normal people. Even alcoholics with normal jobs. Plus I'm on Prozac and have a bunch of mental health s**t to deal with! I am the complete neurotic, basically.

I wouldn't mind a relationship but can't imagine one anytime soon or ever. I'm 34; I had a couple of girlfriends in my mid-20s, but they were both shallow as hell.

And that is it. The story of my love life.

Two girlfriends in 34 years. I am a f***ing loser, pretty much ugly. In good shape but basically a born geek in the sense that girls only ever want me as a friend. And only occasional confidence. I'm not suicidal but I might as well be.

And on top of all that, there is NOTHING. NOTHING like drink to keep me motivated. Goshdamn...