Thanks Dee, we are lucky to have your insights here.
I'm definately on board with alcohol not working with my life. I don't feel it adds anything positive to my world. I don't think I'll grow out of it, per se, it's more that my mind set around alcohol needs to change and doing what I did before - quitting cold turkey, white knuckle sobriety - hasn't worked, so I'm trying to be more gentle with myself this time. It's been about a dozen years since I first tried to quit.
I didn't drink Saturday, Sunday, Monday, won't drink today. As a very rawly recent drinker I can't explain how different it feels to be sober and not craving or obsessing over it. I passed the shops again today without even registering them.
Baby steps. I was probably over confident in January, I'm being more cautious this time around.