Originally Posted by
MesaMan 
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Being a fairly bright Guy, I found I enjoyed thinking I was SO clever, I could pull off such 'aren't I clever' Games. This realization was a huge part of ending the Self-Sabotage. Like Binge Eating on the QT. How the Brain both justifies and executes such Games is a truly-bizarre aspect of Addiction.
I find my ability to manipulate situations (never thought of them as games, but that makes sense) does make me feel intelligent and part of is it fun because there is risk. But, when I am honest with myself, I kind of feel sad manipulating situations and perceptions so often. It creates a very lonely place.
Originally Posted by
MesaMan .
I saw that digging deep and challenging myself was the Core Challenge. THEN, any Program or composite Tool Kit I needed to work diligently after that Epiphany was likely to succeed. So, although I'm a RR/AVRT Guy, this component of deep change from within was critical. AVRT is 'just' the Tool. At the end of the Day, staunch commitment summoned up from way down deep is what got me through decreasing episodes of Self-Sabotage. It was not unlike Training for the Olympics: I had to go >all in<. As is often acknowledged here in SR 'Secular', 'it ain't easy, but it is simple'.
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I have arrived at the place where I know that is just what I have to do. I have to dig. I know what I need to do as you put it: "it is simple".
There is a line in the RR book, that I have read and re-read several times. "
If a plan for permanent abstinence does not come from one's own intelligence, as a personal decision, then it will not come at all."
Originally Posted by
MesaMan .
Don't Self-Sabotage
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I won't. Thank you for taking the time to write all of this. It has benefited me a great deal.