Booberry, I am also a mom of three. I drank previously to having children and after I had them I went out on a weekend night and tied one on. I did up until they were about two almost three. For some reason I got tired of being of tired. I quit! Just like that. I loved my kids so much and I knew I was risking my life drinking and driving and if I truley loved them how in the world could I deny them a mother. I also didn't want to do anything with them the next day because I was hung over. I don't know that I consider myself or considered myself an alcholic or a benge drinker but I knew that I had to stop because nothing good could come from it. It's been a year and a half with no drink or cigerettes. My husband has been kicked out for four years now so I have been doing this alone. I know what the stress can be like, I totally understand the wanting to escape for just a little bit. Instead....find a sitter and go to a movie, go to a book store and read quietly, you have to keep yourself busy when you want to drink. I am on Lexapro for anxiety due to the stress of living with an alcholic and raising three kids alone. To sleep I take 1mg of xanex an hour before I go to bed and it calms my thoughts. I know that during the day your mind goes to a million thoughts a minute. I can't say it's easy at first but once you make it a priority and a habit you get through days and when you look back it will be years that had gone by. Your not a bad mother, you just need an outlet.