I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I can very much relate to what you are saying. And you said it well...about the searchlight of sobriety. Great metaphor.
Also, your observation on taking action is very helpful. I feel very frozen by fear and anxiety right now, probably most of it is because I'm only on day 4.
So glad you've found a good therapist! I think it really helps to have that kind of support.