Originally Posted by trailmix

Boundaries are so important and good that you are making them.

On the flipside, if you want to maintain this relationship, what is the communication style.

If he says to you, lunch today? and your reply is - why would you want to go to lunch etc - that's a guaranteed argument. It's bait. I totally get you are angry, that's a normal reaction, however if you want to fix this relationship if you come at it this way all you two will ever do is fight.
This makes perfect sense, I know alcoholics are sensitive and feel that they are under attack, at least mine does


You are hurt and you are angry and you are accusing him of being in denial and not having remorse for his behaviour. I find accusing such a strong word, he throws it at me all the time, I see it as merely stating facts, or calling him out on his bad behaviou
Again, that's not going to get you the result you desire. If you really want to communicate then you are going to have to sit down and calmly discuss it. If it gets too heated you both need to perhaps walk away for a few minutes.That will not happen, every time I try to do this, he will avoid it. The other night I tried, he talks all about work, then sarcastically says, I hope you don't want to get all emotional, what did you want to talk about? To me that is simply him shutting down the conversation. He does this all the time. Having any form of communication results in him talking about his problems and his work, there is never any room/time for mine. It is his way of ensuring nothing gets put on the table and discussed

I'm not saying you are wrong or that you don't have a right to be upset (just want to make sure you know) but this communication style will never work. You are absolutely right but sweet talking him, being sensitive to him etc gets me nowhere either, he thinks that all is ok

Really with a boundary of this type, if you want to explain it to him you can (you kind of already have, but a calm conversation about where you stand may be in order, to keep him from questioning you every time). Then that is just the way it is, no need for a heated discussion each time this happens and it will keep happening unless he decides to change the way he approaches things (which is really tough and also unlikely to happen in any quick fashion if at all).

I do wish you luck with it though.