Dear Tinkerbeau,
Nearly 11 momths ago i was in the same place as you. I am 46. I was 45 then. I have a 6 year old little girl. My little girl was at her dad's as I was meant to be working and I work away from home (I am airline crew). I phoned in sick for work and went on a 10 day alcohol (wine) binge. In that time I had 3 falls which could have easily killed or disabled me, tried to smash an ex friends window with a block of wood and had a police visit (I was under the influence when the police came round too). I was in blackout for days, I had no idea what I had been doing. It was horrendous. I know exactly how you are feeling!!
There is hope. I was broken, totally broken. I could not stop drinking and it was going to kill me. I got myself to an AA meeting and I am now nearly 11 months sober. As Tomsteve says, miracles do happen. Because I could not go 11 days without a drink. Not only that but my life is improving in every way. AA is not only helping me to stay sober but it is giving me the tools to live a happy, fulfilling and sober life. I never though that would be possible but it is. Not always easy I will add but possible. And worth it.
If you call the AA helpline number they will contact a female AA member who can meet you before the meeting and go in with you so you aren't alone. It is natural to be scared, I was, but there really isn't anything to be afraid of. They are just people like you and me who want to stop drinking and live sober and to help newcomers to achieve sobriety.
Feel free to pm me anytime. X x