Sweeti,
So much good advice given to your thread, per usual. I hope you take some of the advice and put it to action. While we can not stop you from doing anything, only you have that power. I do hope you choose to not drink, get sober, recover, focus on you and be well. From there you can mend these broken relationships, but that is only going to improve when YOU improve your self.
How long will this go on?
Will this be a sad case we are reading about, or not reading about because you have disappeared and we are all left guessing what happened to you? - I really pray this is not ever the case
Will you be the most amazing success story and be able to share your experience, strength and hope to others?
The thing about the above is you are the one who has the CHOICE in the matter. You have to take ACTION in the matter.
You have to do the WORK.
While we can all give you advice on the daily, help you along, encourage you and sometimes give you a stern kick in the butt, it is up to YOU to be the best version of yourself.
You have so much support here it is AMAZING. All the people that come here to help you, encourage you and support you is so great. I find that you have so much love and true support here. I hope you take the bull by the horns and choose to be sober and start to recover.
Only was I able to recover when I stopped making excuses and realized the BS I was telling myself and believing. That is really all it was, BS. I was lying to myself and to others for far too long.
I was tired of feeling tired
I was tired of the lying
I was tired of not being healthy, mind, soul and body
I was tired of the excuses
I was tired of the hangover
I was tired of the same sad story... Poor me.
I was tired of it all and everything alcohol brought to my life. It was nothing but a disaster.
My prayer is that you have better days. You start to recover and look within your self and those around you see that (over time, it is not instant)
I pray you are no longer in mental anguish