Hi Sohard, sorry for what brings you here, but glad to see you back.
I think dwtbd is right. It's the kind of thing that you just have to do and then stubbornly stick to it, no matter what. Push through the bad times and uncomfortable feelings and trust that you can do it and it will get better.
You know what the future looks like if keep going the way you are. Your AV doesn't give a sh*t about your health, or your relationships, or your job, your self-esteem, or self-worth. It's going to be through your own self determination that you finally call an end to it. It ends the moment you say so, you've had the power all along.
AVRT is a kick-ass tool. But it's a tool. It has to be applied in your everyday thoughts and last time you were here, it didn't seem like you had gotten the hang of it, yet. It's a skill, like any other. I would encourage you to study AVRT and use SR as a sounding board for that.
Don't ever let shame get the better of you over finding it hard to quit. It took me like 10 years to get it right and alcoholism is so soul crushing.
You can do this.