Originally Posted by
Realest 
I suffer from depression and lately it’s been getting worse. I see a doctor and am prescribed an antidepressant. I work the 12 steps, go to meeting an am active in AA. I don’t feel like drinking at all. I know alcoholism can be depression. But this isn’t alcoholism this is mental illness I have been sober a while. I need medication. I’ve had a spiritual experience of the result of the 12 steps. Peopel on AA say. I look like a new man and I changed.My question is does anyone ever feel like its useless working the 12 steps because you feel bad from depression? Or do you continue with the 12 steps? I am continuing with meetings and prayer and meditation. Also I feel disconnected from God lately even though I pray. can anyone help help me?
First of all, that's great you don't feel like drinking.
My experience was that I suffered from non-diagnosed and untreated clinical depression and anxiety since a young age. I have my personal theories about nature vs nurture, but that's not for this thread. My drinking and other coping mechanisms were to self-treat it.
My experience in AA, was that I was told being depressed was selfish and self-centered (I have also had a good friend who is a counselor tell me this too and it's a harmful thing to say to someone who wants to be anything BUT depressed and anxious). In AA I was also told that anxiety was my fault, because I was living in the future, I wasn't trusting God and I was trying to play God.
I was told in AA that you're depressed because you're addicted to alcohol, and that once you have a spiritual awakening, you won't be depressed anymore. And that basically if you're still depressed, either you didn't have a true spiritual awakening, or that you're back living in "ego".
My sponsor said if I was still depressed, that meant I was living in the past and not living in the present moment. I wasn't trusting and relying on God. It was MY fault I was depressed.
Some people do get better when they stop drinking, because alcohol is a depressant. Or their depression was situational and when they stop drinking, their lives get better.
There are people like me who just need something more than the 12 steps to treat their depression. It's been said here on SR before: the 12 steps don't treat depression. They treat ALCOHOLISM. (Thank you to those folks who explained that me in the past).
It's not your fault.