Hi Purplet,
I haven't read all the replies yet but the gist seems to be, hold to your plan.
I went back and read your other threads and after this post what I am thinking is, let's take everything he said as an absolute true fact, that he might never have ever turned to alcohol if he had not been abused and he could seek recovery now if it were not for the fact that it has affected his life so much (basically).
And that's ok, he is a grown man and if that is the way he wants to deal with his trials, that is 100% ok, he gets to make that choice, absolutely.
But when his choice is then to drag you and children in to his poor choices, that's where you have to draw the line and that is where you have drawn the line and you are strong and courageous to do that.
The other facts are (some of these points are direct quotes from your previous posts):
- He stopped going to AA - He did attend an appointment at a specialist place for dealing with alcohol and is awaiting assessment (back in September).
- Periodically he takes antabuse and drinks anyway
- He is in active addiction. These are not "relapses".
- You know he drinks and drives
- Gets verbally aggressive and usually goes off in the car
- He always lies, makes me feel awful for suspecting him
- He was drink driving, with myself and unborn baby in the car. I made him pull over and walked the short way home from there.
- My daughter witnessing me taking abuse like that, my father arriving and seeing me so upset
- He was supposed to pick up his stuff and discuss finances. He kept putting it off until finally you had to put it out in the garden to collect (this was just 3 weeks ago).
Not one thing on this list has changed. The only thing that has changed is that you now know about his abuse. It's good he trusts you to share it with and I do have compassion for him, but it changes not one thing.
Until such time as he seeks help, none of this changes.
Good for you for holding back from going back. I really admire your reasoning about all this PT.