Originally Posted by OpheliaKatz

This is going to sound harsh... BUT... I feel like he's using this past sexual abuse as an excuse to drink. Therapy plus sobriety are the tools he needs to manage his life. If he wants to get help for what happened to him, he needs to see a therapist and stop drinking (simultaneously). Gabor Mate believes that all addiction comes from trauma -- that's one point of view, but if you look around AA, you will see that a large percentage of attendees have childhood issues. But also, almost everyone has childhood issues. Gabor Mate has a lot of videos on youtube if you want to check him out.

I think the causes of addiction are complex: it can be partly genetic, environmental, cultural, there might be psychological reasons, or maybe a personality disorder, or they just drank or drugged enough that they got hooked because they have poor impulse control. Who knows? Maybe it's all of those things. But this is not your burden -- it's his, he has to "solve himself". Another thing I want to add: I am a survivor of sexual assault and abuse. I am not an addict. If I have any bad habits (and I know I do), that's me being stupid. When someone chooses to do things that hurt themselves... and they keep doing it until it's no longer a choice, people might say, "they can't help it". Actually... at some point they COULD help it. And even while they are actively drinking, they could get help... if they wanted it.

At the moment, I would focus on the child. I think realistically, this child only has one available parent even if you are co-parenting. I have seen people with histories of childhood abuse totally implode when they were faced with parenting their own children. It can bring up lots of issues. Your child needs to have you. Anyone with an abuse history needs to be in therapy if they are going to parent (in my opinion).

However, it is hopeful that he disclosed his history to you. It might mean that he may one day get help for it... since he's okay with talking about it. I think it might take a while for him to understand the ways in which he was impacted by the abuse. Also I could be reading your post wrong. Maybe he's explaining that he DID drink to deal with his feelings and now he's not going to. If that is so, that is good. But still... you can't do anything with the information he gave you except say, "I'm sorry that happened to you", and maybe pray.